Photo by Nabo Ghosh on Unsplash
As I stepped out of the bus another woman, around middle age, wearing a light blue dress also got off. She was checking her phone, apparently unfamiliar with where she was, and the direction she needed to take. I’m sure she’s going to the same gathering as me, I thought.
But I didn’t want to look like a weird foreigner, I mean what if I was wrong? That would be awkward! So I said nothing, although I worried when she appeared to have taken a wrong turn. But sure enough as I approached the venue she’d caught up with me and also went inside.
Why am I telling you this? Well, for so long I’ve felt like I don’t quite fit in anywhere I go. When I poured over self-help books - Martha Beck to be precise - I was promised that when I followed my North Star and made my way back to my true self then I’d also find my people, my tribe (not a fan of that word but it’s a good substitute for “people like me”).
But although I’ve connected with individuals through coaching and writing, I remained doubtful that a group of likeminded women existed. I struggled to relate to other mums. It seemed like expat life was endless champagne brunches and yoga classes and complaining about your helper, husband or kids. My younger self would’ve made an effort to fit in, but being in my late 40s and permanently tired and grumpy, I just don’t have it in me to make small talk with people I just don’t have much in common with.
Besides I always worry I come off as a bit weird when I want to talk about Japan, or when my life experience is so different to someone who’s only known the expat bubble. But something about the stranger making her way to the same event as me made me wonder if perhaps I’d found my people.
We were both attending the FOM (Friends of the Museums) Welcome gathering, followed by a lecture from a local artist. As I walked down the huge spiral staircase into the basement of the Asian Civilizations Museum (ACM), the imagery wasn’t lost on me. Was I descending into wonderland, making my way to the start of a new adventure? It certainly felt that way.
By the end of the morning I’d signed up for a book group that reads Asian authors, put my name down for the organization’s magazine and been inspired by the visiting speaker that it’s never too late to try something new.
But perhaps I need to back up a bit. A couple of months ago, before we headed to England for the summer I was searching around online for something meaningful to do with my time. It had become clear that I would need to close my coaching business due to restrictions on Dependent Pass holders in Singapore. The details aren’t important, but I wasn’t able to bring in enough income to keep my business registration. I still have options for going forward with my business, but the timing gave me an opportunity to take a break and recalibrate where I am and where I want to go next. I was also feeling the need to get out more and meet people in real life, not just on Zoom.
By chance I discovered FOM (Friends of the Museum) while I was actually researching a different group. I saw they were recruiting for trainee museum guides and attended an info session before my son broke up for the summer. My curiosity was peaked.
I attended several tours in heritage areas in Singapore run by their members and decided to apply to join the docent training at the ACM (Singapore loves abbreviations - forget learning Singlish, you need to figure out all the acronyms to survive here). So yeah, I start next week!
For the next few months I’ll be learning all about some of the key artifacts in the museum, and preparing to lead tours next year. And as well as the docent training FOM also has study groups, book groups and more, with the uniting theme being Asian art, history and culture.
The humans at the Welcome Morning were mostly women, a few men, mostly midlife or older and everyone seemed friendly. The women I spoke to all commented how passionate members are about their topics. So, I’m excited to learn something new, meet new people and try something new. I’d never thought about voluteering at a museum before, which made me hesitate at first, but it feels like a good fit for my personality, and interests. And once I’ve finished the training it’s not a huge commitment.
The group was also pretty diverse. No one seemed to find it weird that I’m from the UK but also spent 15+ years in Japan. Even the Japanese women I spoke to found it completely normal that I could speak Japanese. Which is to say it seemed as though everyone had their own unique story and no one made assumptions based only on the most obvious things about you.
The information you can gather from someone’s face, or their accent or cultural background alone only ever tells you a part of their story. Heritage and culture aren’t some neat and easy box you can slot into, there’s a complex mix of influences, interests and life experiences. Which is perhaps one of the defining features of Singapore.
P.S. I rebranded my Substack. I used to blog under the name The Slow Path and having had a break over the summer, I’ve decided to return to that name here. Originally it was about me slowing down to appreciate life more. And that message of being mindful and paying attention is just as relevant today.
I’m going to treat this Substack a bit more like blogging back in the old days, where the main goal was creative expression and connection with other like-minded humans. I’d be honoured if you’d stick around for the ride.
P.P.S. You may know I got certified with Author Accelerator as a Nonfiction Book Coach a couple of years ago. Even though I’m not currently working as a book coach it was one of the best training courses I’ve ever taken.
I wrote a review of the course here: https://kamsinkaneko.com/author-accelerator-review/
The course has been revamped and although the price has gone up from what I paid, it’s still great value for money for what you get. It’s still a lot cheaper than MFA or other coaching courses out there.
Anyway, the fiction certification course is open for enrollment for a limited time right now. Nonfiction will be open in October and a new Memoir course is starting next year.
If this is something you might be interested in then I’d be happy to answer your questions. And if you do decide to sign up I’d be really grateful if you could use my affiliate link - Kamsin’s Author Accelerator Referral Link - so I can get a referral fee.