What do monsters have to do with expressive writing? Also, I share a poem
How do we find the edge of what we're most afraid of and allow our mind to go there anyway...but in a safe and nurturing way and trusting The Only Way Out is Through?
Note: Today’s Sub - is it called a Sub, or is it a Stack, or is it a Substack, or a newsletter, or a blog…I’m so confused…where was I? This article, first appeared elsewhere. I’m repurposing content. Gasp.
This is one of my unspoken, but weirdly rigid and unhelpful, rules. All content must be fresh and new and shiny. Kamsin does not repurpose content. It’s cheating. It’s what sleazy, manipulative online marketers do.
So I’m experimenting. What if I’m wrong and repurposing content is actually a wise use of time? What if I’m allowed to do this and no one will point a big accusing finger my way, or say mean things to me?!
That would be weird…
Also, I’m adding a poem (a work in progress really) which I wrote last year, scroll to the end to read that.
So here it is:
You don't need to fear your psychological monsters
I’ve never understood why people enjoy watching horror or sci-fi. My overactive imagination doesn't need fodder for my nightmares! Anyway, bear with me, I’m going somewhere with this.
There’s always a scene where some terrifying creature is lurking in an attic or similar dimly lit location. I’m totally imagining the X-Files here. Mulder and Scully this is about you.
The heroine has to go in there to fight and overcome; the movie would be pretty boring if they didn’t. So we watch as the heroine kicks down the door with only a torch to shine a light on the darkness.
This is when I either stop watching or hide behind the sofa yelling at them not to go in there! I mean, who in their right mind actually goes into an enclosed space where they know an evil entity that wants to kill them is waiting for them?!
We’ve all watched enough movies to know that isn’t the end of the story. Our heroine has a gun, or some other weapon. Or they have a back-up team who will come crashing in to save them at the critical moment. It won’t be a walk in the park but we know who’s going to win.
What does this have to do with therapeutic journaling?!
Good question, I’m glad you asked. Your unconscious mind is the dark room. Your painful and traumatic memories are the monster. Your pen and journal are the torch, as well as potentially the weapon, as you strive towards freedom. Sometimes I stretch a metaphor too far, forgive me.
Honestly your memories don’t even need to be capital P Painful, or capital T, Traumatic, for most of us they’re more common or garden stuff. Like those weird, rigid, vaguely unhelpful rules and beliefs you live by but are actually keeping you stuck.
Obviously, sitting down to write a journal is much less dramatic in practice. No actual monsters. While your memories may still cause you distress, they cannot cause you real harm again.* But our brains don't effectively differentiate between psychological risk and physical danger, so you’ll need the same amount of courage as the heroine in those sci-fi movies.
And you’re here because you want to live with greater intention and that requires you to claim the part of you that is brave. Aren’t you? And beautiful human, I know you are brave. You can journal with intention to find your truth no matter how scary your memories and challenging your beliefs may feel.
Stop trying to be more grateful and shine a light on what is blocking your gratitude instead
Let’s look at this from another angle. We’re often taught that the key to a more meaningful life is to develop gratitude. We're taught to find ways to reframe our negative thoughts in a positive way. These practices can be transformative, but we run the risk of bypassing our painful experiences.
If we bypass our pain, we not only leave it to fester somewhere in our unconscious mind (until it gains monster like proportions), but we also miss out on the full spectrum of what it means to be human. Intentional living is an invitation to deep acceptance of every experience life has to offer. You cannot heal what you cannot shine a light on.
That includes finding healthy ways to process the difficult and painful elements of life in our troubled world. In my personal experience, gratitude and joy flow freely, I don't have to work at them. But I do need to spend time working through the things that are blocking them.
So, while it may seem counterintuitive, perhaps the best way to invite more gratitude into your life isn’t to try harder to be grateful. Instead, you can stop and take a look at all that you’re not grateful for and work through it. What is it that is stopping gratitude and joy from showing up in your life?
How a journaling practice can help you breakthrough to greater intention
In the 80’s researchers uncovered the impact of writing about our traumatic memories. They found the people who wrote about their worst experiences for just twenty minutes a day for five days in a row had noticeable improvements in their overall health.
They called this style of journaling expressive writing. The goal was not to write about what happened and when, but to write into the emotional heart of an experience. What shifts inside us when we have a safe space to express all our emotions, both good and bad?
And a quick caveat I am talking about the small ‘t’ trauma. If you’ve experienced more significant trauma, it’s wise to seek trained professionals to support you.
Start with questions to lean into self-reflective inquiry
There are many techniques for writing in a journal, too many to introduce here. My favourite technique is to keep asking myself questions. I’m a first class procrastinator and often all it takes is to write “Why do I keep doing x (the task I’m using to procrastinate)? Why am I not working on the project I said I wanted to?”
Sometimes I don’t even need to answer the question and I can move back into intentional action towards my goals. With that said, asking why can feel harsh and critical. Bring your most gentle, curious, and compassionate self to your journal. You're looking for questions that open you up, not shut down.
Finally, your emotional and mental health is the foundation of an intentional life. So start by asking: “Is this something that I need to work through alone? Or do I need a trained therapist, life coach or other healing professional to help me break through?”
Your journal is a tool to help you listen to and trust your inner self. If you don't follow your own intuition, what's going on? What do you gain by holding onto things? What do you fear will happen if you let go?
So if you don't currently keep a journal, you have my permission to buy a beautiful new notebook and some pens. The only thing you have to lose is whatever is holding you back from your dreams.
* Disclaimer:: If you’re dealing with active trauma, please follow the guidance of a professional therapists or similar trained and experience person. I’m just some woman off the internet, don’t listen to me!
‘The time, while pruning a basket of green beans over the sink, you said, out of nowhere, “I’m not a monster. I’m a mother.”
….
“You’re not a monster,” I said.
But I lied.
What I really wanted to say was that a monster is not such a terrible thing to be. From the Latin root monstrum, a divine messenger of catastrophe, then adapted by Old French to mean an animal of myriad origins: centaur, griffin, satyr. To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.’ [Emphasis mine.]
- Ocean Vuong, ‘On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous’
Meaning Monsters by Kamsin Kaneko I. We crouch down on the floor point the torch under the bed And check to see what is lurking In the darkness My fearless boy afraid of mon-ters waiting in the shadows ready to attack him in his sleep There’s nothing there, so we check the cavernous cupboards deep enough for malevolent beings to set up camp and live inside Still nothing This is the best tool I have to give him Shine a light on your fears and the monsters run away II. In February we buy soy beans and his preschool teachers dress up to become red and blue oni The little kids scream, and we throw the beans, shout our incantation: Monsters outside Good fortune in We repeat the ritual at home I pick soy beans up off the floor for the rest of the week III. Now I sit here afraid that I might be the monster or that his trickster ways will undo me that there may be no peace in troubled times