I set myself a goal to get published in Mslexia magazine, the magazine for women who write. I’m a woman who writes, I coach woman who write. So I wanted to add my voice to their magazine.
I’ve submitted three pieces to them so far this year - two poems and a short article. On week one I received a rejection for the first set of poems. One week later, another rejection email came for the second.
By week three I was feeling tired and questioning my resolve to even call myself a writer. Because it seems doubting whether writing is even worth it, is not something that magically goes away, it’s part of the process.
Cliche alert - it’s always darkest before dawn
Just as I hit my most tired, cranky, I want to give up on it all, moment I opened up my inbox to find an acceptance! Wait, what?! I mean, I knew the 342 word article would be of interest to their readers, and that I’d crafted it well.
That’s not arrogance by the way, sometimes as a writer you just know when something’s working. And side note, if you’ve got a lot of doubt, it’s often actually your discernment telling you that the thing you’re working on needs more work. This is why a creativity coach is invaluable to help you figure out if you’re being self-critical or discernment is telling you its not good enough - yet. The important word being yet.
My short article was published last Friday in their Elevenses newsletter which goes out to subscribers once a month. If you get the newsletter, scroll down to the Mouthpiece section.
Not the actual magazine (yet). But a reminder to keep going. To not take tired cranky me too seriously, because she really just needs to rest.
I’m reproducing it here, in case you don’t get their newsletter:
Doubt yourself, not your inner critic
When my mother died at the beginning of 2020, she left boxes full of writing. Folders full of poems, a few of which she’d had published. Half-written character sketches and plot outlines for novels she never wrote. I found login details for half a dozen blogs she’d started and then abandoned. All stuffed away in the back of a cupboard, left to gather dust.
Five years earlier, my son was a toddler, and I’d started writing a blog. It wasn’t my first, but I’d stopped writing when my academic teaching career left me with no time. But becoming a mother offered a fresh start for my writing dreams.
About that time, mum came to visit us in Japan where we lived. One morning as I walked into the kitchen, I heard mum say to my husband: “I used to write a blog, but I stopped because it was self-indulgent.” Her words seared into my mind. I was so angry. How dare she be so judgmental? It was years later before I realised she was judging herself and not me.
Some months later, I signed up for a writing group about mothers and motherhood. Through the writing prompts, I explored our relationship. I unpacked how creativity was entangled with judgment and critical voices in my life and hers.
After her funeral, I read through all mum’s old blogs. The one she’d kept most frequently had been a space where she shared her poems. There was a small but steady readership, a supportive community of other poets and writers. As I read, I noticed how often she referred to her fierce inner critic. Sadly, it seems she believed that inner critic and gave up on her writing.
I’ve made peace with my own inner critic (most days) and this is what I’d tell her if I could. Writing isn’t self-indulgent; self-expression is an essential part of being human. Whether you’re the poet laureate or write for a small but loyal community, your voice is there to be shared. Doubt your inner critic, not yourself.
Thank you for reading,
Kamsin
Updates from my blog:
Can I be honest for a minute? I worry that talking about writer's block makes me seem a bit weird and that people will judge me for being "too negative."
Perhaps it's because our culture is often really uncomfortable with struggle and talking about anything which might bring up undesirable emotions.
When I asked people about their experience of block, a lot of folks responded by offering advice and tips to beat block, rather than talking about how it showed up for them.
I'll share some of that advice in later posts, but I wanted to give voice to the experience first.
One person cautioned me that using the label "writer's block" was 'giving power to the situation.' Which is a common belief. But there's actually a lot of evidence that naming and understanding a situation gives you back the power!
By looking writer's block squarely in the eye, and not being defeated by it, you're taking back control!
My goal in this post is to give voice to real people. In the hope that it will normalise the experience and allow those who are struggling to be seen and heard.
I believe if block - or you could call it resistance or imposter syndrome or self-doubt - is part of your experience as a writer, then you'll only get to the good stuff through clearing out the bad.
I don't want anyone to dwell in their block and setting up a home there is definitely something to avoid. Perhaps when people talking about giving power to the situation, they're worried someone will take up residence in the stuckness and the struggle.
But I believe being able to move on starts with finding understanding and acceptance of this part of your journey.
That takes courage. But it also makes you a better writer and a more compassionate, wholehearted and empathic human being.
Please take a read of the article on my blog:
https://kamsinkaneko.com/the-real-struggle-of-writers-block/